Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
