Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ketchup is God's man juice
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
