Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
