When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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