I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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