perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just high enough for therapy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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