At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
