yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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