I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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