even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
