don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
