Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
