If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
