why do cheetos always look like penises
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
