Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sober January is a disaster.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
