apparently the secret to your success is patron
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
