I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
