she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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