id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
