I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
40s are totally the cure
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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