And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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