I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
