it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize