I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
