well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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