Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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