I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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