i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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