my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize