I think i peed on brittanys purse
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
