How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
