I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
