After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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