He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize