Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
