Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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