We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
