it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
