I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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