Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
