Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize