Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
