my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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