No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Come see our sink grown plant.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
