wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
