I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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