how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
