dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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