After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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