i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
