I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
