Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
