I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
