You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
