he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
