those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize