Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
