whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
