haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
