The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
