Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
