My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize