it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
