he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize