Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
