I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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