You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize