the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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