i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She announced her abortion via fbk
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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