i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there was a trapeze. enough said
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
