For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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