This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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