my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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