she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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