I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We need to rekindle our bromance
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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