Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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