we made out on top of his cat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
