if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
