Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
