so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
