it wasn't lemon gatorade
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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