getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
