can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
