dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
